ADD / ADHD Jokes

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their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: 'Take a clean dish...'"

Only one, but it took several light bulbs and several months to get it done because the ADDer.....

• Paid for the lightbulb then left it in the shop on the counter.

• Dropped another light bulb out of a hole in his/her shopping
  bag didn't notice and ran over it with a truck.

• Bought the wrong sort of lightbulb because s/he couldn't be bothered
  checking which sort of light bulb was needed cause that's boring.

• Left the light bulb under a pile of clothes for several
  weeks before s/he got around to trying to put it up.

• Couldn't remember who s/he gave the ladder
  too so decided they had to go buy another.

• Took the old light bulb down put it on the floor next to the
  new light bulb got distracted by an idea in his/her head.

• Ran to get notebook to write idea down idea forgot about light bulb for
  an hour as other thoughts came to mind, remembered lightbulb couldn't
  figure out which was the old light bulb and which was the new light bulb

  • AARRRRRRRRRRRRRG
    Who invented such an inhuman thing as a light bulb?!

     

   

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"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." - Will Rogers

• This is a special calendar for handling rush jobs. All rush jobs are wanted yesterday. With this calendar, a job can be ordered on the 7th and delivered on the 3rd.
• Most jobs are required by Friday, so there are three Fridays in every week.
• There are eight new days added to each month to allow for end-of-the-month panic jobs.
• There is no 1st of the month -- thus avoiding late delivery of the previous month's last-minute panic jobs.
• Weekends have been shortened to the proper 1 day of rest.
• Monday morning agony is abolished all together.
• A new day, Negotiation Day (NEG), has been introduced keeping the other days free for uninterrupted panic.

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• Too long for this page - Mom's brownies - a day in the life. . . 

 

• Have you heard about the ADD computer virus?
  • It periodically erases your RAM but your computer runs at 1000 Mhz and multitasks like a supercomputer!

• Definition of a "stack error:" That paper that I know is on my desk -- somewhere in one of these stacks!

Feeling a little stressed out today? Maybe you need someone to talk to! CALL OUR FREE PSYCHO HOTLINE NOW!     Here is what you'll hear when you call:
	If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, please press 1 exactly 4 times. You will be told you didn't do it quite right. When you finally get it exactly right, we may help you develop and perfect a new compulsion.
If you are Co-Dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. We will then help your partner find better ways to manipulate you more effectively.
	If you have Multiple Personalities, please press 3, 4, and 5. We will hypnotize you and help you recover repressed abuse memories, and then refer you to an attorney who believes in that stuff so you can sue your abuser(s).
If you have Schizophrenia, listen carefully and a small, quiet voice will tell you which number to press. When you get it right, hang up and wait for the answer to come in code over the radio.
	If you have Manic-Depressive (Bipolar) Disorder, press 6 and sometimes a wild man will try to sell you Golden Gate Bridge, while other times a lady will answer and say she is too depressed to talk with you now.
If you have Paranoid Delusions, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can finish tracing the call.
	If you have Attention Deficit Disorder, press any numbers you can in rapid sequence. It won't matter what the response is since you wouldn't remember it anyway.
If you have Tourette Syndrome, press 8. The person responding will scream "Gaak! Twirk! Eep, eep! !@##! You, **=+#!"
	Thank you for calling the PSYCHO HOTLINE!   This joke came from A.D.D. Clinic.

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• I went to the Barnes and Noble Bookstore and asked for the section on ADD books, only to be told: Oh! They're all so disorganized! (borrowed)

• QUESTION: How would they diagnose ADD in a chicken?

• ANSWER: It never gets all the way across the road because of all the distractions.

• Story of Roger & Elaine and a conversation that's too long to go on this page but makes for interesting reading.

• [from Red Skelton via Linda] There were two sea gulls (if any of y'all remember them their names are Heathcliff and Gertrude) flying south for the winter and a jet passes them. Heathcliff: "Boy did your see how fast that bird was going?" Gertrude: "You'ld go fast to if your tail was on fire"

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• What does the (workaholic of course) ADHD say at the beginning of the week?
• Thank G-d it's Monday. *

• What does the ADD say everyday?

• What day did you say it is? *

• Why did the ADHD chicken cross the road?
• Because her keys just hafta be over there. *

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• Why didn't the ADHD introduce her boyfriend to any of her friends?

• She can't remember his name.*

(Credits)

* This joke was contributed by Anne. You can write to her at QDPOET@worldnet.att.net.

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