ADD / ADHD Jokes

One of the benefits of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is the ability to laugh at ourselves - even while crying.

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Two ADDers were sitting at the table of the local diner. . .
their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: 'Take a clean dish...'"

From Randi on the DeCluttr list

 


How many ADDers does it take to change a light bulb?
Written by gingerwoman on Sat Jun 27 15:49:38 1998 GMT

Only one, but it took several light bulbs and several months to get it done because the ADDer.....

 

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." - Will Rogers

~~~ Now you can get it ALL done! ~~~

Print out this new monthly calendar and hang at your workplace!

THIS MONTH

SUN
FRI
THU
FRI
WED
FRI
NEG
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
16
15
14
12
11
10
9
23
22
21
20
19
18
17
32
30
28
27
26
25
24
39
38
37
36
35
34
33

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Feeling a little stressed out today?

Maybe you need someone to talk to!

CALL OUR
FREE PSYCHO HOTLINE NOW!

 

 

Here is what you'll hear when you call:

crawling ant

crawling ant

 

If you are Obsessive-Compulsive,
please press 1 exactly 4 times.

You will be told you didn't do it quite right. When you finally get it exactly right, we may help you develop and perfect a new compulsion.

 

If you are Co-Dependent,
please ask someone to press 2 for you.

We will then help your partner find better ways to manipulate you more effectively.

 

crawling ant

crawling ant

 

If you have Multiple Personalities,
please press 3, 4, and 5.

We will hypnotize you and help you recover repressed abuse memories, and then refer you to an attorney who believes in that stuff so you can sue your abuser(s).

 

 

If you have Schizophrenia, listen carefully and a small, quiet voice will tell you which number to press.

When you get it right, hang up and wait for the answer to come in code over the radio.

crawling ant

 

If you have Manic-Depressive (Bipolar) Disorder, press 6 and sometimes a wild man will try to sell you Golden Gate Bridge, while other times a lady will answer and say she is too depressed to talk with you now.

 

 

If you have Paranoid Delusions, we know who you are and what you want.

Just stay on the line so we can finish tracing the call.

crawling ant

crawling ant

 

If you have Attention Deficit Disorder, press any numbers you can in rapid sequence.

It won't matter what the response is since you wouldn't remember it anyway.

 

If you have Tourette Syndrome, press 8.

The person responding will scream "Gaak! Twirk! Eep, eep! !@##! You, **=+#!"

crawling ant

crawling ant

 

Thank you for calling the PSYCHO HOTLINE!

 

This joke came from A.D.D. Clinic.

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Want to contribute a joke. Please let me know if you want to have your name attached to it in the credits, or not (also e-mail address?). Only original material, please, I don't want to have to worry about copyright problems. I reserve the right to edit jokes or just stop posting them if I get too busy with other stuff.

No "dirty" jokes please. This is a "PG" rated site.


(Credits)

* This joke was contributed by Anne. You can write to her at QDPOET@worldnet.att.net.

 

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